26 steps

If you’re like me, a mom of too many, you do laundry ALL. THE. TIME. And if you’re like me, you’re busy. So busy, in fact, that there may be times when you neglect to check the pockets of dirty laundry. Sometimes, the pockets contain loose change. Sometimes, if you’re lucky, a couple actual dollars. I once found a stick of deodorant in a load. Once a used condom (that’s another story). Today, I opened up my drier to realize – the horror – that someone had left not one but TWO crayons in their pocket.

So, how do you salvage your drier (and your sanity?) Here are 26 not so easy steps to get it cleaned up:

1. Open drier and begin to unload clothes. Think to yourself “Humm. Those are weird marks on the towels.”
2. Finish unloading and realize that clothes are completely covered in some kind of stain.
3. Look into drier and see this:

4. Scream and slam drier door shut.
5. Open drier door and start muttering a slew of profanity with the F word as a noun, verb and adjective. Conjugate that shit.
6. Look at your small children who’ve witnessed your profanity breakdown and begin to cry.
7. Take a deep breath and grab a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. Use eraser for 30 seconds and realize that IT’S. NOT. COMING. OFF. Throw eraser across laundry room.
8. More crying.
9. Jump onto Best Buy website to price new driers.
10. Send and post to social media pics of the mess to anyone who will listen and provide sympathy (or funds towards a new drier).
11. Tell children to “go downstairs. NOW.”
12. Type CRAY into Google and see that “crayons in drier” is number 3 on Google search suggestions. Feel better that you aren’t the only one to have this happen to.
13. Say yes when children ask if they can have a snack.
14. Say yes when children ask if they can have a second snack.
15. Begin to irrationally blame anyone and everyone in the house for putting crayons in their pocket. Even the dog is suspect.
16. Squirt bathroom cleaner into drier.
17. Quickly realize that a bleach based cleaner in an area that is not ventilated is a VERY. BAD. IDEA.
18. Cry.
19. Swear
20. Consider day drinking. It is 5:00 somewhere. Here it’s only 9:30am.
21. Take deep breaths. Children are happily eating an entire package of cookies and not fighting. It’s quiet. You’re alone. Roll up sleeves and grab a fresh Mr. Clean Magic Eraser, a bottle of Goo Gone, Lysol wipes and the Ipad
22. Turn Netflix to a mindless show and begin to methodically start scrubbing the drier.
23. Begin to get just a little buzzed from the orange smell of the Goo Gone.
24. See that you’re making a little progress and feel confident that you’ll live to do laundry another day (probably later in the day)
25. Realize that your favorite pair of jeans is in the crayon laundry load. Lip starts to quiver
26. Sigh and keep it together. It’s a reason to go shopping.